You love her like no other, and she loves you like a brother. She wishes every boyfriend could be more like you, but not actually you. You are the pilot of a plane that will never come in for a landing. You, sir, are trapped circling the airspace of the friend-zone. But that’s okay, because you’ve agreed that neither of you would ever want to mess up your ‘special friendship.’ Lighting our candle sets the perfect mood for a date with her and some other guy. But don’t worry, she’ll tell you all about it later.
Fantasy Football Failure
Retired: February 2014
You blamed the quarterback, the kicker, and the injury report, but everybody in the league knows that the real problem was you. Not only could you not play varsity in high school, you couldn’t even put together a solid performance in make-believe football. At least Fantasy Football Failure will fill your man cave with that rich smell of the championship field your team will never know. Keep telling yourself that this was just a ‘rebuilding’ year-- maybe that will make the disappointment of this train wreck you called a team sting just a little less.