Retired Candles

Retired: Spring of 2019

Congratulations (we think) on the upcoming eighteen-year financial commitment to raise another human being. We’re so happy for you, and whoever got you pregnant. They say there is nothing like the laughter of children, especially when that laughter is screaming and it’s the middle of the night.  Let the simple smell of our candle be a subtle reminder that you better get your stuff together—and soon. 

Retired: October 2015

You could blame it on the economy, but we all know that fourth bathroom and in-ground pool didn’t help the situation.  Let’s face it: you had a slice of the American dream that was just a little too big to handle.  Foreclosure French Vanilla is perfect for any small apartment or condo, with its soft aroma and warm scent that serves as a reminder that nothing smells quite like the home you no longer own.

Retired: Sometime in 2019

There are plenty of benefits to being a ‘lone wolf’ on Thanksgiving.  You can treat yourself to both drumsticks, you won’t be unexpectedly woken up from your afternoon nap, and nobody will be around to see you cry.  Have yourself an extra slice of that store-bought pie, and light up our Thanksgiving Dinner for One.  On second thought, just eat the whole pie… who do you have to impress?